i can't blog well.

So either I'm the absolute worst at Blogging or there's some other deeper reason as to why I can't simply log on and type away about food, recipes, etc.

I was explaining to my mom, who wanted me to continue to blog about my recipes and take beautiful pictures, that I sometimes feel it's tedious to take pictures every step of the way. When I cook, I move fast. I'm not actually taking any breaks to write down, document and contemplate too much of what I'm doing. That's not to say that my measurements I include in recipes aren't accurate. I may not meticulously measure things, but I try to make a mental note of everything I'm doing in case I would like to go back and recreate the recipe too. I've developed a good knack for recipe writing and recreating - it's just the documenting throughout the process part that I'm really really bad at.

As I thought more about her encouragement and why I wasn't writing on this blog, I realized there were more pressing reasons I wasn't addressing. I have NOT been feeling better (albeit I have improved here and there) and the food I've been making has been BORING as a result. Rice bowls for days. There are maybe a handful of recipes I've made that are blog worthy, but haven't posted them (see above reason). Other than that, I've had to stick to a core collection of foods and recipes that don't hurt my stomach. When I stray outside the box, I tend to regret it thoroughly.

To update and expand on my condition (for those who care to read the lengthy synopsis that follows), I have been feeling a roller coaster of symptoms. My husband and I went for a little vacation to Portland at the end of July and I really thought I was getting better. My body was working just fine, I was eating a variety of foods (even going out to eat!) and not experiencing any bad repercussions. I didn't want to overly get my hopes up, but I thought I was nearing the absolute end of it all. Again, I feel like I keep saying that over and over and each time I think it's over I'm no where near close to being right. This was another one of those cases.

I'm fairly certain that either the Blastocystis never left or I re-contracted it by passing it to my husband and then back to me. Sounds complicated and wrong, but all of the reading and research I've done has left me knowing far too much than I care to know about this particular menace. Anyways, I knew this was potentially going to happen because the antibiotics I took were definitely not guaranteed to work. The bacteria has an incredible defense mechanism and hides deep inside the colon walls when it senses it's environment is less than hospitable, only to reappear when things have relaxed. Go figure. It's unbelievable defense also includes an external "shell" allowing it to live outside the body for short periods of time - meaning it can be contracted just as you could contract an STI. Don't worry, you're not going to catch this from me just by standing near. And it might be too much information to share, but I honestly don't even care at this point. People should know about this shit.

So after we got back from Portland all of the old symptoms reappeared slightly, not enough to get me in full panic mode yet. I figured I would take more diatomaceous earth and see what happened. After learning about the bacteria's "shell" it makes sense that the DE worked, but didn't completely eradicate it. Around the same time, Jon had been started to complain about his digestion and certain meals that were hurting his stomach that were also hurting mine. I was immediately suspicious due to my newfound constant paranoia.

Meanwhile, the DE was somewhat working (10 days on, 10 days taking a break), but I really wasn't seeing too much of a consistent improvement. I was still indignant about not going back to the doctor considering they have done literally nothing for me. I was also contemplating whether or not I had an hormonal imbalance that was directly affecting my GI tract, since my symptoms would change during certain parts of the month. Yet another part of me was thinking I developed candida because of the antibiotics I was previously taking, too. Regardless, I had a myriad of hypothesizes as to what was going on with me, but didn't want to face that my instincts were probably right and the bacteria had returned after vacation.

How I decided to combat it this time, however, is just about as controversial as when I ingested turpentine and pure sulfur. And before anyone is too quick to judge, it is - after all - my body and I know it best despite doctors and bullshit opinions (I'm so jaded by the medical community). I knew what plagued me was back and I was going to make yet another attempt at eradicating it, despite all of my previous best efforts. Instead of throwing a fit and crying about it, which definitely was the better part of the first 6 months of being sick, I'm just accepting this is what I've had to do and do it.

It's just as serendipitous as it sounds, but I stumbled across an ad on the internet one day for silver tinctures. Silver, yes, like the metal. But what caught my eye was "natural antibiotic". I literally could devote an entirely new blog post just on what it means (and maybe I will), but I immediately started researching the benefits of taking chelated silver and why it used to be considered an antibiotic. It only differs from an antibiotic because bacteria can never become immune to it. It was only until penicillin was discovered and mass-produced (I'm very allergic to penicillin by the way) that silver was put on the back-burner by the pharmaceutical companies.

Once I did enough research where I felt like I was comfortable ingesting this and that it would actually provide me with some relief, I ordered the expensive little vial I was hoping would be the answer I was looking for.

What I will say is that 3ish weeks later, I feel great. I've had a few hiccups within that period that I think were diet related and not so much the bacteria. Other than that, I actually feel like a normal person for once. Normal in the sense that my mind is not constantly fixated on my digestion and the feeling like there's a dark cloud permanently looming over. Normal in the sense that I'm actually channeling my productivity towards things I want to be doing and focusing on - even something as simple as cleaning the house.

Along with the chelated silver, I added another instrumental (yet seemingly dangerous) variable into the mix. Hydrochloric acid. I took lots of chemistry in college and this was a chemical I came across often, but always was told to handle with extreme care. It never occurred to me one day that I would be ingesting it. But damn, it works. For those who don't know, hydrochloric acid is the same acid that we product in our stomachs.

While discovering the silver, I simultaneously was reading about low stomach acid contributing to very poor digestion, bloating, gas, etc. All I had to do was take a series of simple tests - basically at home chemistry experiments with my own body. It consisted of drinking baking soda water a few days in a row to see if the high ph would have a reaction with stomach acid in my stomach, thus causing you to burp. Every time I did it, I never burped, not even once, obviously signifying that I had extremely low stomach acid. I got the HCL (thanks Amazon, yet again) and started taking the dose I gradually needed every day, with every big meal. It's been a game changer - I can eat foods that I totally have sworn off for over a year, like burritos. Crazy.

Silver & HCL are a power couple for sure. I don't know how long I'm going to have to take either, but the end to all of the means is looker clearer than ever.

**Side-note: in addition to the previously mentioned supplements (?) I've also been taking a new brand of CBD that has been working wonders. ThoughtCloud from PDX has been the most successful for me personally because of the higher concentrates of CBD and the particular strains that are used for specific treatments. For example, I take the high CBG formula because it not only targets pain and inflammation but is good for combating bacteria and fungus growth (among many other things). I take it when I'm feeling some of my bloat-y symptoms and it ACTUALLY helps ease things up a little bit - something that has not been the case with other brands I've tried.

As for this post, it only took me over a week to write. Mostly out of procrastination, but also because I clearly had a lot to get off my chest. Congrats to those who actually read thus far. I have no reward for you other than gaining a little more knowledge about an insanely specific subject that I hope no one else has to endure. As for the next blog post, I truly hope it will be an imaginative recipe of some sort.