a year later.
Whoa. I knew it had been a long time since I've last posted anything here; I definitely still stand by the excuse that my laptop just wasn't up for the task anymore (it actually had given up on me and maintaining a blog was from then on a luxury).
Even though, physically, I wasn't really able to put in the time here on SCRATCH, there were also a lot of emotional and mental blockages that I faced in 2017. For better and for worst. It first started with the overarching problem of my back finally catching up to me - to the point that I couldn't move, let alone go to work. I think some of my last posts on here were in the midst of that injury. The healing process took a great deal of time and effort. On a positive note though, it helped me rediscover and rekindle my love for yoga and the power it had in helping me not only heal but become physically (and mentally) stronger than I have ever been. It was one of those situations where the very bad led me to know what the very good feels like.
I am currently battling the same scenario in a different form, and this time it has taken a much larger chunk out of my time and energy. I'm almost out on the other side where I can say, like above, I found the good again, and what it means to feel just that.
Since August I've experienced all sorts of ups and downs and pains and discomforts regarding my GI tract. In the beginning it was difficult to say or know what in the world was going on. I was constantly uncomfortable; no matter what I ate or did I was always sporting a bloated belly and unable to take my mind off what I was feeling. I will be the first to admit that I excessively exaggerate, but I mean it when I say that day in and day out I was feeling like I was always full to the point where I just wanted to lay down in fetal position and go to sleep forever.
I strongly dislike doctors. I've always had for a myriad of reasons that developed as a teenager, and I haven't let go since. As a result I will try to self-diagnose and medicate for the little things and usually it's fine and it works. However, there were no natural laxatives or herbs or tinctures that were making a dent, at least the ones I knew of. I am fortunate, though, that I've known a naturopath for a very long time who has helped me get through similar problems in the past with great success. I really didn't think I would have to be seeing her so soon again at the age of 26, but such is life. After pages and pages of self-assessments and tests it was looking like I had a parasite (something that I was suspect of due to my recent diet change from veganism to eating some fish, in this case, raw).
At first I wasn't so scared because before I didn't know what the hell was going on and now I had a diagnoses. A parasite didn't seem so bad - it is a bug that is living inside you and you have to get rid of it. Just writing it in that sentence was easy, so why isn't it in real life? To me it was simpler than having a disease that my body contracted and was then responsible for until who knows when? But it wasn't and that's not how parasites work.
It's now almost the end of November and I'm just a little over halfway through the healing process. When my naturopath told me that it was a 3 month long detox to rid my body of the parasites I was most definitely in a state of shock and disbelief. Shocked because I was about to spend the rest of the year trying to overcome something that was plaguing my insides (if it truly is a parasite). In disbelief because I am 26, have worked my ass off to be in the best health I can to reverse all of the damage I have caused myself over the years, and still managed to contract some shitty bug. I've also had some external set-backs in the form of a rib I pushed out at the beginning of November and is taking its sweet time to heal.
So, 3 months? Surely there are plenty of ways to rid the body of parasites in a shorter amount of time. Yes! There are! Unfortunately and fortunately my principles got the better of me on this one and I'm taking the herbal route, hence the naturopath. I shouldn't say "unfortunately", though - it really is the preferable way to living in my opinion and will do a lot more healing in the long run. I'm not interested in any Band-Aid solutions that are usually offered by Western doctors.
However today was one of those days where my doubt and hopelessness got the better of me and started questioning whether or not it was worth fighting through the 3 months. There are some days - like today - that take a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally - very heavily and very equally. The tipping point for me today was the fact that my rib (which had been feeling great lately) unexpectedly got worse and put me in a bad mindset.
Having my rib hurt prevents me from doing the one constant in my life right now that was my centering pain reliever: yoga. Today I was physically not feeling great, but it quickly turned on my mental and emotional health (as it has throughout this month) because I was unable to spend my day decompressing with hours of stretching and calamity.
Regardless, I wrote this as a cathartic way of sharing what I've been going through this past year, and to clarify why a blog was not a priority in my routine whatsoever. Hopefully soon I can share more recipes that not only align with my previous beliefs I've shared before, but also ones that have been helping me through this process. My diet has changed drastically this year, not by choice, and that change is very apparent in the food I've been making.
If you've read this far, thank you. The part I've found that helps the most is someone who listens.